Storm Warnings

Have you ever wondered about storm warnings? Are they really helpful? They don't prevent the storm from coming. True, lives are saved when people pay attention to the warnings. But how many warnings have been false? They are merely warning people that conditions are favorable for some kind of destructive activity. After heeding to so many false warnings, one becomes jaded and starts to ignore the warnings. Some even say, "Let the storm come. I'd rather die than leave my home." You could argue that the warnings cause more anxiety than the actual storm itself. So maybe we should stop sending out signals and let life happen.

To be or not to be

This existence is wearing me down faster than I thought it would. I feel that I can't go on much longer. I'm wasting my time doing something I don't believe it. I watch my daughter grow older and I feel that I'm not the active participant that I want to be. I hate my job and feel resentment that because of it, I can't be the mother that I want to be. What's the point of life if one day I wake up and my children are gone. What were all those years for? I'm completely worthless. My salary hardly matters and as a person I'm a waste. I hate who I am and I hate what I'm becoming. I want to end this. How much more can I take?

"Away From Me" - Evanescence

I hold my breath as this life starts to take its toll

I hide behind a smile as this perfect plan unfolds

But oh, God, I feel I've been lied to

Lost all faith in the things I have achieved

And I've woken now to find myself

In the shadows of all I have created

I'm longing to be lost in you (away from this place I have made)

Won't you take me away from me

Crawling through this world as disease flows through my veins

I look into myself, but my own heart has been changed

I can't go on like this

I loathe all I've become

Lost in a dying world I reach for something more

I have grown so weary of this lie I live

I've woken now to find myself

In the shadows of all I have created

I'm longing to be lost in you

Away from me.

"You need to move on"

This is a very heavy statement and can impose an unattainable goal. No matter how hard I try, I keep seeing this goal move farther and farther away. I work extremely hard to take in all that I have, to see how fortunate I truly am. I'm trying to soar above the wreckage that has crippled me. But the pain can't be denied. It is constantly pushing me back and ripping pieces of me away. The injuries from this pain cripples me even more. And then I can see my goal move closer to the horizon. What happens when I can no longer see my goal? The will to keep moving forward will no longer be there. As I look back from where I've traveled, I will see that I have laid down additional wreckage on top of what was already there. Now my family will have to try and recover from what I left behind. It will then be realized that I will never move on and the pain will always tear me apart. The only thing left to do is crash into my reality and succumb to the pain.