To be or not to be
This existence is wearing me down faster than I thought it would. I feel that I can't go on much longer. I'm wasting my time doing something I don't believe it. I watch my daughter grow older and I feel that I'm not the active participant that I want to be. I hate my job and feel resentment that because of it, I can't be the mother that I want to be. What's the point of life if one day I wake up and my children are gone. What were all those years for? I'm completely worthless. My salary hardly matters and as a person I'm a waste. I hate who I am and I hate what I'm becoming. I want to end this. How much more can I take?
"Away From Me" - Evanescence
I hold my breath as this life starts to take its toll
I hide behind a smile as this perfect plan unfolds
But oh, God, I feel I've been lied to
Lost all faith in the things I have achieved
And I've woken now to find myself
In the shadows of all I have created
I'm longing to be lost in you (away from this place I have made)
Won't you take me away from me
Crawling through this world as disease flows through my veins
I look into myself, but my own heart has been changed
I can't go on like this
I loathe all I've become
Lost in a dying world I reach for something more
I have grown so weary of this lie I live
I've woken now to find myself
In the shadows of all I have created
I'm longing to be lost in you
Away from me.
posted by Sara | 11:16 AM
3 Comments:
I don't get the point of these articles
This blog was started as a journal of my recovery from my oldest daughter's suicide. It documents my demons, insecurities, pain and not knowing how to deal with the aftermath. It may not be therapeutic, but it puts my pain into words.
well they say suicide is the most selfish thing but really some things in my opinion aren't even given a choice take the earth for example we rape it day by day hour by hour minute by minute year by year - yet some how we aren't selfish? because our definition of forcing another to be suicidal is some how not selfish?
Heh mark my words man will face his tribulation - his judgement and I will be smiling even if I reach hells flames..
I plan on either drowning myself and or bullet but the highest 2 options are pills and or drowning or both..no one seems to care any more I'm trying to get a job but it's weighing my family down I know it is. and maybe it is selfish that I feel so tired and that I've been lied to so much that I feel like I cannot go on, maybe that is selfish, but I see alot of selfishness in the world regardless of the choices I make.
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