What's the Meaning?

I don't know why I'm still here. My purpose has been stripped and thrown in my face. My pain has dug a pit so deep, I don't know how I will escape. I don't want to cause the same pain that I am experiencing. But my resilience is wearing so thin. Now it's a matter of endurance and hope. Right now the pain of Kayla's absence is too raw for those around me. I need to be careful with my loved ones. I don't want to be cruel or selfish. But in the end does it really matter. True existentialism to its test. Our meaning and existence...is it all really relative? In the grand scheme of things, we are really insignificant. I do believe that Kayla has entered a place that cannot compare to our existence. I believe that someday we will meet again. It's all about the "Meantime". I've heard that Kayla will wait for me, there's no reason to rush the inevitible. So easy for those not experiencing the "Meantime" to say such things.