Dragonfly Wanna-be: Sisters

Saturday, October 21, 2006

Sisters

Of all the ugliness and selfishness that goes on in the world, the one true beautiful thing was the relationship between Kayla and Grace. They were inseparable. Grace looked up to Kayla with all her heart. And Kayla adored Grace more than she loved herself. Now there's this huge void in Grace's life. How can a 9 year old understand why this happened. I'm an adult and I can't...I don't think I ever will. So it is now about how to deal with never understanding. I don't even know how or where to start. Imagine the circles that Grace's mind must be making. How can someone so beautiful and wonderful rip themselves from our lives? Issues of self worth are huge. I'm paralyzed with fear that I will fail with Grace.

Lost

There's a bright light
It's my beacon
Leading me through
The labyrinths try to trap me
I set my sights on my beacon
Life is not as intimidating
One day the beacon went out
Tears and darkness surrounds me
Shadows creep in
I can't find my way
Don't know why this happened
I'm scared
Am I alone?
All I have is this compass
I don't know how to use it
I will try it to cope
I will struggle and fight

sjj 10/21/2006

1 Comments:

Cat said...: Hi, I stumbled upon your site, from another site. I have been reading some of your entries and want to say I am sorry for your loss.

I was elven years old when my 20 year old brother committed suicide, in 1975.

We were born on the same day, nine years apart.

I understand your daughter's pain. It took me many years to overcome the pain I felt from losing my brother.

When I was 28 years old, someone told me to write a letter to my brother and say everything I wanted to say to him, then take the letter to his grave, and burn it, close my eyes and imagine he is able to receive it.

So I did... I told him I missed him.... I told him I understood and I forgave him... I told him all the things that I wanted to say to him, that I never got a chance to do.

I then took the letter to the cemetary and I burned it by his gravesite. After this I truly felt a release of the guilt and sadness. I stopped asking why. I was finally at peace.

I still miss him, but this was an important part of the healing process for me, even though it was many years later.

When I was 25 years old, my mother committed suicide. She was severely depressed for years after my brother died. She never was able to recover from it.

Just remember... your daughter needs you to be around, and she always will...

Hope it helps.; March 19, 2007 9:15 PM