Never ending grief

The inner tormoil never ends. I can't sleep at night...I find myself wandering around the house. When I do sleep, I find myself being tormented in my dreams. I can feel the downward spiral. But I'm afraid to tell anyone. I'm afraid that my weakness will just add to the pile of disappointments. The glue that keeps me together is starting to crack. Going on seems like an impossibility. Everyday is a huge struggle of getting through the day and keeping the facade up so no one is suspicious. The thought of Kayla's birthday is eating me up inside. I feel that my issues are holding Troy back from his grieving so I don't feel that I should dump on him. The night is endless.

Tortured

Ripped and torn
Thrown in a heap
Tossing and turning
Can’t get to sleep
Voices conspiring
Inside my head
Hanging precariously
By a fragile thread
Wondering aimlessly
Through this mire
Can’t see clearly
Lost all desire
Slipping, falling
To my death
Crying and moaning
From every breath

sjj 8/16/2006