Comfortably Numb

I have finally climbed out of the depressive abyss. I am back to being numb...thank God! I keep hearing that the second year of grieving is harder because the numbness has worn away. I am still in disbelief that Kayla is gone forever. I will never get over the fact of life without Kayla. Not one day passes that I don't think of the day she died and the days leading up to her funeral. I feel that a huge part of me was lost during those days so I am continually reliving those days to find what I lost. I am very unhappy to be alive. That doesn't mean I want to die. It just means that the will to survive is hardly there. Sometimes I feel like lying down and giving up. Life is extremely painful. I desparately look for distractions because the weight of it all is too much to handle.

Broken Hearted

The day you died
A cold steel blade pierced my heart
The life slowly bleeds out
Love cannot be fully restored
The pain overwhelms my days
Tears stain my face
No one knows who I am anymore
I can’t trust myself
Relationships collapse
My hair turns silver
From the ashes that were scattered
There’s not enough strength
Cannot withstand the night
I clutch my chest
I start to fall
Nothing there to hold onto
Will I find peace
As I release my grip?

sjj 8/14/2006