Yea though I walk through the valley of the shadows of death...

Grief is so complicated. Let alone having to process our daughter's suicide. I'm such a wreck and feel very isolated and alone right now. I can't trust my feelings. I start to question the definition of the Quality of Life. How do you know if your life is of quality and is it still worth living if it's not? I struggle with feelings of self worth. I wonder what am I contributing to this thing called life. Do I help or harm my loved ones. And does it even matter. In a 100 years, we will all be gone no one will even know I existed. All I really know is that the "Here and Now" is full of pain. I can only hope that I will come out a survivor and not another victim.

The Edge

Here I am again

On the edge of a precipice

Overlooking a deep valley

The edge frightens me

So many hazards

I could slip and fall

Winds of grief howl in my ears

Can’t shake the voices out

As I stumble

I notice how peaceful it looks down there

It looks so still

As I lean forward

I can feel courage sneak away

I would not survive the landing

My course has been changed

Knowing the decision

Will need to be made again

sjj 12/15/2006