"Tis the Season?

It's so hard to get into the Christmas season. I don't want to be involved. I don't want to celebrate when Kayla is dead. But at the same time, I need to make this holiday as nice as possible for our daughter Grace (9 yrs). We can't let Kayla's death take the joys out of life for Grace. It's so hard to be happy when Kayla was so unhappy that she decided this world wasn't for her anymore. As a mother, you feel that it's your duty to make the world right for your children. When that doesn't become true, you feel that you failed your one and only job. I need to set an example for Grace that we need to find a way to survive. Even though, many days, I don't want to go on. I want to give up because the pain is neverending. Then I think that this is must be what Kayla was feeling and that makes me very sad. We all miss her so much.


Christmas 2005

Merry Christmas, Little Star

Our bright shining star
What happened?
Your light extinguished
Blindly, we grope
Hoping to find each other
We are forced to go on
With only recollections of your brightness
Experience no longer an option
We long to feel the warmth
Radiating from your life
Artificial lights surrounding us
Never comparing to your brilliance
But their attempts
Bring our thoughts to you
Love…Family…Hope

sjj 12/10/2006