Relapse?

I've been moving along under the guise of normalcy. When in fact, I think it was merely the fog of numbness once again. Why would I say that and not accept it as progress in my grief journey? Because I'm always feeling a sense of doom but can't always put my finger on it. I know that there is extreme pain but I can't access it. When I'm least expecting it, my demons of pain, guilt (past and future), anxiety and insecurities unleash their fury...I'm at their mercy. I have obvious anxieties about Spring Break, but nothing that would put me over the edge. But this morning feels different. It's as if I woke up on top of a precipice and am looking over the edge. I have this extreme urge to jump. Unfortunately, I don't mean figuratively. I feel that if I were standing on a ledge, I may not be able to hold back...say good bye to all the pain and demons. I really don't want to die...I just want this to end. I wonder if this feeling will only stay with me today or will it stay with me for days...or maybe this time it won't leave.