Beware of Poison

Inescapable pain eats away at me and dumps poison in my soul. I want a place to release all the shit that builds up in me. But every time I open my mouth, I can feel the poison ooze out and destroy what's around me. I can see the damage that my words had done. This causes more pain and more poisonous by product. This is a vicious cycle that I can't stop. I'm surrounded by people that love me. Yet I'm in a deep abyss where it is dark and no one can hear me. I feel that I'm on the outside watching my family...not really connecting. I can't benefit from good examples or wise proverbs because the pain is all consuming. Because my pain is not visible, others can't understand it. So they attempt with advice and words to try and "snap me out of it". I know they are doing this because they love me. Unfortunately, it creates an even bigger pit for me. I am more aware that they will never understand my pain and I will continue to exist alone.

Fallen

I'm no longer up there...with everyone else

Life goes on for them

I am down in this dark pit

The darkness strangles all strength

Blocks out anything beautiful

And shuts out all music

I stumble in the dark

Crawling over my wreckage

My flesh rips away

Noxious odors ooze from my wounds

If found,

No one would dare come close

For my pain may be infectious

No longer able to move forward

I await my fate

sjj 3/4/2008