No Cure

The world contiues to rotate while I'm in a state of suspension. I can't overcome my fears, insecurities and guilt. I feel that I can no longer handle disappointment. And yet life is full of disappointments. I feel that my incapability of being normal is hurting our family. I try to conceal my weaknesses by acting all is good. But in the end I breakdown by being irritable or emotional. I know that this makes it hard to live with me. How can my family move on if we are a unit and I'm stuck? So I try and distance myself from them to see if they can move forward without me. It hurts to watch this but I feel that it's the right thing to do. I need to allow them to deal with their own emotions without having to worry about mine. No one wants to admit that I'm poison, but I know they can feel it. My medications only suppress the shit from surfacing. But if I let it surface, I will infect those around and possibly make them sick. Will the pain of staying be greater than the pain of leaving? I don't know anymore.